"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. "

mambo jumbo feelings.What am I to say since you think this way? Maybe its just always a heartbreak.

Thank you, Jesus. For loving me and walking with me all these time.

This Is Our God
Artist - Chris Tomlin
From the album: The Noise We Make
Album - Various Songs

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years
This is our God Oh... this is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness
This is our God Oh... this is our God
this is the one we have waited for

Oh... this is our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

Lord, know my heart and thoughts. For Your ways are higher than mine. Today, I will still choose to serve You. I know You will catch my tears and hurts inside. But I have came to acknowledge, I am not able to do anything for him anymore since he has choosen this path to walk.

Helen Keller: "Self pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."

How true it is.

I am hurting so much. To know and read those words.

Because you never wanted to cherish what was and is always in front of you.

James 1:2-4
Profiting from Trials

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that
the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect
work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

wow. This is what my parish leader prayed for me. Totally touch. Maybe all these while I was searching and after really breaking down on Tues, just pouring out all my questions to Him, at least this verse came as an encouragement. All these time, I questioned what is the difference between patience and being in denial. My heart somehow felt overwhelmed by these things at times. I do not have answers and I am just walking in total darkness and living on faith for what I feel for and that God has answered my prayer before. Maybe I now know that, I have been doing the right thing on this delicate matter. Maybe encouraged that no matter how sad and hard, I perserved on in that relationship and that was my unique gift. Tolerance.

So many thoughts in my mind now. But I need to go off for dinner with Jo and Keng. I shall return later tonight after organizing my thoughts and composure. :)

Have a great evening.

"One person's pain ignites the other person's greatest fear or deepest shame." - Paula Rinehart

Last 2 weeks I have been absolutely busy with work. More OT. Late for work because I am so tired. Difficulty in waking up.

Right now, I am actually all alone in the office. Just me, myself, I and the radio (love songs and jazz) + ipod. Oh, I forgot. Plus beloved God. =) I switched off the lights and its just the dim lighting... Nice.

To a certain degree, I find much peace to do my work. Yet, I feel lonely and just lost in my thoughts.

He occupies a fair portion of me. I miss him but its never meant to be. I just find myself on the bench, looking over. Hoping to even find a friendship within, to rely and know he is there. To only find, its just the linger of memories accompanying me. Rest of it is just superficial. Maybe one day, I will find the courage to trust and move again. Maybe.

Back to work =(