another week has passed..attachment..hmmmm..nowdays i can talk nothing but work.last three days had nothing to do in the office expt basic office gal work-filing,organising papers etc.other then that,i was sitting down,thinkin how to improve the warehse..its like so-i duno.helpless really..messy,to me disorganise even the office pple dun even know the storeman's coding!hmmm..no material flow i guess..tt's wad im there for.in office i have been talking abt the Bible n stuff..esp to Christina,my mentor.guess sometimes in life..is unpredictable,n its never easy to accept facts.haiz..waited for her yest after work promise to pray for her but think she forgot den she like landed up talkin to the rest-i had to meet miah..so there i went..ciao

yest watched Shrek2!!COOL MOVIE..absolutely hilarious..go watch it yah..and im still missin my dearie so much though i jus met him last nite.time always seem so short for us..dun understand why..

-missing you loads-

wassup!!!im in the office nw..ok i know im not suppose to be here..blah blah blah..yes..dun come telling me.i know..anyway,usin my collegue's acct to use the net?this is my 5th day here..im stressed out today really..Christina,my mentor left for M'sia cause of family matters..well,kinda left here?luckily there's Shirley..think without her.i'll probably die of confusion and stressed and fear!!check that out..huh..working life-no joke.but hey,i hink after this morning experience,guess im learning alot of things.startin to know abt the products and stuff and shirley was showing me a product called fantastic plastic-it can SHRINK!!yes..can put photos and all..coolness man!

while handling all the calls today,much diff from Sunpage though..but still on customer service..whoa!tell you..sometimes its jus taxing and all..have to find out whether or not got stock,price,etc.hmmm..things sometimes they jus ask?but i do feel that whenever they talked to me halfway-they asked to be transfer to another person..im like kinda demoralised.like i cant help them and stuff..but anyway,its over.i still need to learn.jus say-im kinda having fun.really.cool people.nice and friendly.

well later goin to meet my dearie for a while..our date?!really miss him-3 days.feels weird too not seeing for a few days considering last time we always saw each other in sch.hope he is doin fine.well..kinda emo abit?cause over lunch both Shirley n i were talking abt God.thought abt those pple who dun believe in God?i wont get to see them if i were to go?like yah..really miss my grandma and all nw..haha..okok..back to work.ciao

yey!meetin dear later!!

-missing u lots-

-last few days before attachment-

Part 2(haha)-yest i had a great time..though i wished that time would just stop.met dearie in the afternoon..suppose to get something for him but we landed up at esplanade?haha..the weather-blessed.we hung ard there-joking,laughing..we were jus practically in our own world.hmmm..typical couple..yes..i knew u guys were say that.fine.haha..nvm..ignore me.dearie had a craving for kenny roger's..some cheeese thingy(forgot the name).but unfortuntely,it was closed.haiz..sad but we landed up at BK..he bought a Shrek pillownot for me though..for his sista..sweet huh?!haha..=)

anyway we took a bus down to ps at ard 5plus..to meet my parents.we all were goin to watch Troy together!hehz..ate at thaiexpress-know if i knew that we cant get to eat pasta i would have cook for him.im not a great cook considering i haven been cooking for extremely LONG time-but wanted to try something special for him before attachment but...forget it.maybe after attachment!haha..in oct?walked ard ps for the second time think both of us knew the shops at the snap of our fingers.saw this father(ought to be told off really)scolded his daughter for walking away-she was frightened and all and all he could was to scold her in front of EVERYONE?!such a bastard really..hate this kind.i mean save the scolding and all for home?!anyway,dearie tried to talk to me abt it coz i really wanted to walk up the guy and tell him off-landed up i wanted to drop the subject-big time emo.

went to Troy..a battle for love and war.thought orlando bloom kinda..gayish in that show!sad case really(sorry if i offended if any of his fans but i thought he looked better in LOTR)..BUT...eric blana was-WAAH!haha..of course-how can i forget brad pitt..RECOMMANDED-go watch it yah?started at abt 945pm..ended at 12plus..sent dearie back..rather late..thought it was quite dumb if we jus let him go back on his own.kinda really missed him alot coz of attachment coming up-the last time i'll see him this wk.somehow when i was looking at out hands held together-kinda held back cause the feeling was jus bad.im holding on to the hope God has given me the ans for our relationship-but human nature,i cant help feeling sad.afraid.we kinda held hands in the car-tightly.wondering if he felt tt way too.didnt seem like yah..jus me?thought abt friends too..but somewhat the feelins are jus soooo diff!even im writing this,listenin to my all time fav boyband ONLY-Take That.emo.songs that so talked abt my thoughts and feelings.im really missing him.and if i had a choice,i wouldnt let go at all.not at all..sometimes things are hard to express,hard to let go either.thoughts abt my family that so-call object/questioning my relationship nw;pressure;disappointment..etc.but i still wana believe in this relationship for one last time.guess life will never be like a fairytale but a lifestory remembered to share.

a tribute to him..
for all those time we spent;for all those we laughter and tears;all the love we had-i treasure every moment of it.it has not been easy for you but yet for ur patience and love and understanding u still keep me protected in ur arms-i really appreciate it.For jus being who u are.thanks for everything.

-Take That:Never Forget-
Been on this path of life for so long
Feel I've walked a thousand miles
Sometimes strolled hand in hand with love
Everybody's been there
With danger on my mind I would stay on the line of hope
I knew I could make it
Once I knew the boundaries I looked into the clouds and saw
My face in the moonlight
Just then I realised what a fool I could be
Just cause I look so high I don't have to see me
Finding a paradise wasn't easy but still
There's a road going down the other side of this hill

Never forget where you've come here from
Never pretend that it's all real
Someday soon this will be someone else's dream

Been safe from the arms of disappointment for so long
Feel each day we've come too far
Yet each day seems to make much more
Sure is good to be here
I understand the meaning of "I can't explain this feeling"
Now it feels so unreal
At night I see the hand that reminds me of the stand I make
The fact of reality


We've come so far and we've reached so high
And we've looked each day and night in the eye
And we're still so young and we hope for more
But remember this
We're not invincible-No
We're only people,
Hey we're not invincible,
So again I'll tell you

-emo-

sometimes i jus feel maybe im too dependent..but when i need the person the most..i'll have jus have to be alone.but sometimes people cant see that either.yet i know i have God but yet at times it jus feels weird that im the only idiot talkin.how much do i expect from others.i should jus try by not judgin on the expectations i have based on what i've done..but jus be contented.wad i can say-generation change.

lost.sad.

a tear.but tt is all will be shed.
amanda

boredom.absolute boredom.im thinking of who to call..like i have to go down town to get tickets for my family and miah for the movie on friday-Troy?i'll be alone-most prob?tsk tsk..kinda thought abt some stuff in church and friends.now im not sure if im allowed by parents to go for church camp in KL?i'll be working in Avery Dennison S'pore(where's that?!)..last night my dad bought a pair of fishes-forgot their species name.sort of like the miniture discus fish?!went out with my dear..came back,feeling tired n all cause the last few nites i have not been sleeping well..this morning wanted to feed my fish and i realised that one of them died?!AGAIN-yes again..upset over a fish which i only saw and own for 5 mins.i had no idea why my dad bought the fish and put them into the small tank?!i wad tired..though i noticed that the tank was too small,but i thought i can change in this morning.but alas!too late..the fish could not take it i guess.feel kinda sad cause the fish like came to my hse and die?!sheesh..

hmmm..next wk i'll start work.gota find my way ard and all..have mixed feelings abt lotsa stuff,work,me,church,relationship,friendships.on sun did some 'promotion' for FaithActs.suppose to hold a lighter and say,"i've got a light!"and lead the gal walkin down the walkway to the front.thought del was darn funny!she stood up to say,"i've gota a light" but haha..she could not lit up the lighter!flo wasnt tt bad at least..karen was late..saw her last min but it started already.oh well.duno why,ever since i was thinking abt which ministry i should be serving and all..del was suddenly pulled in by imelda to play in the main service band(they are good?!to me..).i kinda told her how i felt and all.den on the very day,aunty amy came up to me and told me she asked samat to pull me in too?!i was happy,excited yet at the same time i feel scared and like wanted to jus hide away.i always had admired the band..have a few friends in there and all..but the feeling of inferiority is there.everyone in the band is so good?sometimes its not like its jus a service to God-can i make it?saw lst sun's line-up of songs?was the reggae,blues type?im sooo not up to it?im currently kinda guiding one gal-sarah to play the guit in the children's ministry band.oh well.see how it goes.maybe who knows,i can?first the way up the ladder to overcome the fear of inferiority and all.same goes in my sch work.kinda like giving the fact i cant make it to uni in a way and jus let it be.do well and see how.doubt anything will change anyway.i also duno why i become such a negative person.tryin so hard to find that gal i was and still inside but its jus so hard..tiring?come to sports-used to be damn onz..nw not one bit of disicipline!haiz..wad's happening to me..no idea.so much for being captain last time..haha..think no one believes im in track once.

woah..guess i wrote enough today..haha..i'll continue part 2 some other day..stay tune..k nvm..sound like some commercial!?haha..=)cheers..kinda realised tt most of my entries rather depressing..haha..oh heck.its my blog.who cares..

-amanda is dying of boredom-

hmmm..well,i guess i'll be on attachment at some company at pasir panjang!?hey flo..maybe we can meet for lunch!!!haha=)in a way im kinda scared that i might jus corked it up along the e way?but of course!i still try though!hmmm..only got a week..still thinking if i wana go for my church camp!i so wana go..coz yah..friends i wana be with...hmmm..conselling nw?!haha..maybe i should consider goin into tt line since i always have been conselling for years..experienced man..pro!haha..cork..i gtg..still..conselling..im goin to play hard!!!!my forte too..play play..

"In God I have trust;I will not be afraid.What can man do to me?"Psalms 56:11

guess its kinda weird things are turning out..first,exams are over yah..should be happy..BUT..kinda bad so instead of hopin for my Bs which i was hopin to go uni..maybe now only can hope for pass-again.forget abt uni too.things are also changing in my life..and yah..sometimes i wish my feelings were wrong but yah..so far..jus kinda seem correct?deja vu maybe?argh..sucks..hate that.things in life-guess the mask i have put on sometimes helps as i dun think abt it "much" and i dun have to worry people.the mask-jus have to hide my inner most emotions as there's not much pt in telling or showing.all i say guess this time round the Hidding will help me..in a way.hmmm..off for lunch den band prac..ciao..

-iris-

Goo Goo Dolls
Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

-amanda-