well..wad can i say..depressing time in the office cause i have never seen a worst guy who is totally full of himself,putting others down like..which i cant find any words to describe...very demoralizing if ever you talk to him..now diana is looking for a job..all ready to be a scrapgoat on mon when the big boss comes down..talk abt a manager who never does anything but sits in the office(overlooking M'sia sales..guess his room with a phone is the ultimate access to the world without the need of a passort to travel) and claiming credit for his works with OTHER people's ideas and blaming them for not being able to get his quarter commission...and he..again,never does anything but jus make phone calls to "friends",staring at the screen..and etc..well..good for diana tt she's leaving..things said to her..well..even i heard it..it is totally,totally INSULTING..i cant believe my manager..hell with my report..

nw im in the office..the whole day..my heart is just so heavy..i duno really know if i can press on?really duno if i can..haiz..dun understand alot of things..jus wish some things will never change..i wish cant wait to go to australia end of the year and relax..of even after attachment..go on a holiday to jus relax..jus relax and not bother abt anything.

today is Singapore's bdae..though not at all very patriotic..but in any case,happy 39th birthday..well..its been a rough week for me..things to think abt..if i wana have it or to jus let it go..things happened in the office too..bad till i guess nw my colleagues are ready to leave..hmmm..so much so for office polictics and stuff..i know im only on industrial attachment,but somehow, friendships bonded us together and not to mention tt we're all christians..first time i stepped in and was surprised to hear tt..prayers answered..but still..human nature..oh well.things happened.went drinking on sat with karen and francis and lo and behold,for the first time..i couldnt not really hold my liquor?which was weird..i only has 1and 1/2 glass of wine?but i mixed bit with irish beer which was good!real smooth..though i thought i was goin to be a gone case but at night i didnt really sleep well..i jus hope this week..ends nicely..realy nice..sometimes i jus feel like jus giving up..expectations is the downfall of men..in any case..esp relationships and friendships..

today kinda sucks in the office...everytime seems like e moment justin(my liason officer) walks in thru tt office door..there's a battlefield out there even though im not involve but, today i jus got shot at,other days getting indirectly involve..for nothing.firstly,no space for me for me to sit in the office(prob on any one of my colleague's lap)...but im ok..so i sit in a pathetic pantry with nothing much in it..expt for a table with a couple of chairs with a fan for ventilation..those who know me well n long enough-im quite adaptable...so he came back..after lunch..diana,christina n me had luncho together,again,without fail for the past mth,politics.
-number ONE:im not INTERESTED in their "little" arguements or wad-so-ever..
but really,planning marketing strategies there's so many ways!and i really think its fun..but the stupid fact:im not learning from my officer which im suppose to so im learning thur evesdropping(great huh)..so diana couldnt get her way after christina, diana n me planned like..duno like wad..calling and all..plus me tryin to do samples at the same time.with all the disagreements goin on,i sat in the pantry doin my own things..doing the samples when diana stormed in-wanted to find peace i guess-i understood tt feeling of frustrated when u cant get things done..or ur way for the matter.she started takin packets of potatoes chips throwing my table which i was doin my samples chouldnt say i mind when she asked me if it was ok right..i told her maybe she could sit with me n munch away her chips for a while instead of sitting outside hearing things from the manager who is-duno..indescrible.next thing i knew,he came also after 5mins and den i was in the middle of a crappy,tense "discussion" between diana n justin..she didnt wana flare partly of me..i sat there thinking why is it everytime i wana do my work im always stuck in e middle of a not so nice chatting session?!im tryin to get things done?!

upon goin home,im again sat in the middle in diana's car with christina and another divison gal,zaince,listenin to all the events all over again?!this time,they say maybe i should be the one there to balance their "fights"..good thing?bad?i duno..freak..in the midst of all these..didnt want my dear to worry cause he had a bad day too so didnt wana tell him even jus nw but guess we landed up in a"im-such-a-failure" mood..i wanted to change our relationship cause nw we are jus..i duno..bit separated.i really feel like crying and breaking down cause i want to help dearie with his probs, jus being his encouragment n support too..in the midst of his probs..minimal but yah..i jus feel sometimes my insecurity and expectations..will jus kill any relationship?i really wana be normal givin trust n etc..but its so diff for me..this is not even my full potential but yet i jus feel like a total failure...

nw,mornings when i go to work on the bus,im tryin to read the new testament of the bible..its so peaceful..encouragin..thought i gained revival in the morning but lost it nw..i jus feel like breaking down..and honest-im cryin while typin this..its sucks being an environment where friends are down but yet u cant cheer them up but to be a middleman when u're not suppose to be involve..where loves ones are hurt,u cant do anything but they think u are disgusting or not much help...
"Where my help comes from,You're my strength and song.."- My Hope(hillsong aus)