just came back from band practice.. great session! theme for this sat is "leaving 2005 behind" or something like tt. i guess its a great way to end the year and start 2006. i'll probably save the major entry of recounting the events this year in my life for the last few mins before we enter into 2006- if time allows. having 40 hours of prayer in church to usher the ministries in church into the brand new year, new admin, plans and etc. yeps. im gonna make it a point to go..

tmr caleb is comin over. aunty margaret is moving out of boon lay to telok blangah. maybe in a way, im glad that i didnt have to walk pass 'that house' anymore. where i wished i never entered that door, so that the scars will never be there. i wont be what i am today. living in that shell; finding it so hard to get out. to love and be loved. maybe its good that it happened cause i became stronger, to know who are my friends and the power, grace and love of God. in some ways, i wish for more than anything it never happened. but it will always be a memory. till one day it disappears, until then, i wonder if i will be able to love with everything i am to whoever that guy is. he, accepting me for who and what i am.

on a lighter note, the photo for ngee ann is up! yes! finally i get to see the photo. one out of so many.. but anyway, here it is. had a enjoyable time knowing these pple as my friends. i look not so nice.. haha i know.

im in malacca! sitting at the business centre, surfin the net cause i've nothing to do. waiting for my couz to end his wedding dinner then we will meet to watch soccer. great games playing tonight! haha :)

anyway, christmas was fabulous yesterday though i had a tiring day. i was sad on christmas eve. but had friends to stand by my that night, trying to cheer me up. decided to sleep it off, in hopes that the next day is gonna be a great day. it was! went to church for service; talked abt the storey of narnia. how we christians should not be afraid of end times, yet be looking forward to a better country that God has provided for us. seekin Him. obeying Him. great sermon by pastor shih ming. i cried in worship when we sang, "so you would come". felt His love showered upon me. felt His arms; cried a while. then, met my cell to give them their doggie bones! hope they liked it. received cards and presents from a few pple. i was touched. they somehow also uplifted for me the joy of giving and spirit of christmas! thks pals! i read del's card. almost cried. thks babe. loveya! thks for being such a wonderful friend to me thoughout all these time.

went to samat's house for a mini party! fantastic food by his wife, who got up at 3am just to start preparing for the guests. had a great time with uncle joe, soaps, cheryl, imelda, jerry, uncle john, pastor barnabas.. we all were singing and jamming to christmas carols (in jazz and blues- groovy!) till the guys decide to go back in time, imitating the bee gees! we like so not in their league! haha.. but it was hilarious! hearing the guys all singing their hearts out. uncle joe dedicated the opening song of banrey and friends to pastor b. haha. he just like glared at uncle joe and gave that- 'whattttt' look!

went home. wrapped more presents. ha! helped mum with dinner preparations. i cooked the beef, pork and fish fillet. whaha. set up the house for my family to come. left the house at 9 to meet miah for movie at westmall. finally! got to watch narnia. i love it. really. the show was great! went for kopi cause i was hungry. spent some time at my place to catch up on each other. haha probably romantic cause it was so cooling and it was drizzling. hmmm. anyway, i was just embracing that moment. probably like fell in love all over again. but its just me. i had a cheery christmas in the end. lots of jokes and laughter that day. haha. thks for being there and cheering me up with your stupid jokes. it never fails to bring that smile from within. thank God for you.

..a sad and disappointed start of christmas..
this is my saddest christmas i ever had. i cant believe i just passed through christnas eve day to christmas day(at the strike of 12) ALONE. i made a few calls to find out the time for tmr service and when i was excited to like spend the time with my parents, i found out the lights were all off. my mum is sick and dad went to bed with her. the christmas spirit in me just like died totally. i was so close to tears as i stood at my doorway and i have no idea why! maybe cause im so used to spending the 'passing time' with them but this time its just different. i had dinner with them just now at Goodwood park. it was fabulous family time to me. we laughed at each other for being retarded and jokes. now, just spending christmas writing christmas notes for my cell instead of wishing parents and giving them a hug. not that writing wishes for my cell is a chore or a burden but i cant deny how close i am to tears. i hate it when im such a baby at times like this. i dont get it either. its just meant something great to me? im tryin to understand my parents' situation and for the fact that tmr there is a party at my house for my family. oh well. i cant help it. just felt the tears came down. i just lost the mood for writing for my friends.

thks probably to God, who gave me a friend to remind me that i was spending christmas with Him and with friends still. though i am alone in my room, writing notes and blogging. that thought gave some comfort; while receiving sms from friends.

i guess this is a lonely christmas for me too in a way. i guess i have someone special in my heart but its different too. maybe today i've lost you. the wishes we exchanged, i guess i am only just a friend. nothing much. hope everything is well for you. guess you're partying away with friends, a life u seem to prefer at this moment. but i hope i am that special someone to you too. wish to spend it with you if time allows. -hope-

i used to believe that christmas is when all sorts of magic can start. any problems will be cured. any unwanted feelings are taken away. but it is never true. i only learnt that recently. when i am 20. a big gal who believed in certain child-like hopes and the magic of christmas. but it is never true. i thought i can, to keep certain dreams alive. i thought i could. i had always love christmas cause of these hopes and dreams. i thought i could.

some pictures of wonderful moments with dad and mum. merry christmas to you all. i hope you two will seek God with your heart one day. i wish we can do that as a family one day. i love you two very much and i'll try my best to express it well. if i cant show i care for you that much as what you expected a only child and daughter shld be, i am sorry. i hope God will tell you one day. i hope that our problems will end soon. im so tired of hanging on when you two always think i dont care about the family when i can do nothing about it except to pray. so broken on the inside, yet i have to show i am strong at times. christmas, can you change something within these 12 days? at least on my birthday, is the last day of christmas magic.

the buffet table

pic taken by dad

dad and mum eating dinner! enjoying? yes we were!

-got a prob posting up the rest of pics. will upload the rest soon.

i just came back from band prac-stood- in on behalf of gary for tmr christmas musical: christmas in narnia. i was SURE ultra lost! but i guess i did pretty ok since i was not the one playing on the actual day! haha.. seems quite fun, the kids like did the play and all. met up with del and anna to settle the kido worship. whoa. i thought it was quite productive. now i hope i can churn out the jan roster in time.. before the 3 bands come after me.. i missed ttb's christmas party cause of prac. so sad!

today went to grands to look after caleb. whoa. he is super naughty. it takes tons of energy and stamina to like take care of him. i hope next time if i ever have kids- they are like good boys and gals! seriously. but it was partially fun though. haha, its like a nice feeling. he really looked like the penguins at philip island! haha.. im still waiting for the photo from godpa. i had one where all the parrots like flocking all over me just to get food! haha i was scared, but plunk all courage to feed them. it was a great experience. must be that 'garang' gal i once was.. hmmm except for insects! i so hate creepy crawlys and bugs! yucks.

jonathan just told me that my photo was on the front cover of ngee ann's booklet for the different courses! this is so exciting! like finally i get to see the photos! at least one out of the many we took, it is still sufficient! woohoo! hope its nice :) maybe i should check out the website. haha..

for now, im too tired. i cant believe im losing sleep ever since i came back from melbourne. i am always waking up at like 7am, no matter how tired i am! this is so.. argh. nitez everyone..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
its not early ok... its just a nice timing to wish everyone. what's wrong with wishing like before- hand??? where's the christmas spirit, s'pore? sheesh. must cultivate a new perspective of christmas!

im still so disappointed that i cant get to watch narnia! stupid andrew still tell me say not nice. sigh. you gota be crazy. but thks for cheerin me up yest! i really appreciate it...

ok, im back from melbourne. its like super happening i think. esp since its christmas. the spirit there is fantastic, like everyone is seriously like shopping, there were those sales goin on, the decor on the streets, the lighting (its like so much better than singapore. like seriously better) and pple like walking down the streets after work, wearing the christmas suits and hats.. looks so fun! even at the shops, like pple wishing shoppers christmas wishes and stuff.

well, for anything worth, i managed to drive ard the outskirts of melbourne. it was pretty fun and frustrating at times. fun cause u really get to enjoy the scenery at the same times- it is fabulous! makes you in awe and just give thanks to our Creator for every single creation you see on the hills, with the sun shinin radiantly on the golden fields. amazing how i can admire mother nature and drive at the same time. secret- get ya attention off the roads for like a split sec so i wont fall asleep cause no one talks to me! all comfortably sleeping- well, at least it says something abt my driving- im certifed a safe and comfy driver. whaha!

went to tour ard ballerat town, tree top hill, great ocean rd (where the famous 12 apostles are; now left 10 apparently), sunbury village, melbourne city - which is ultra happening to me and philip island and this is the one tt i have to rattle on! the penguins are absolutely sooooo cute! we are had to like sit and WAIT for them. yes. we, humans, wait for them. haha. but they all popped out from the sea, they are like in different grps, and like some would like walked back and like wait another grp! really..and they walked back to their burrows. they were really adorable. i duno who to describe it. haha.

for now, im so disppointed. i cant watch narnia tmr cause of the odd arrangements. probably like when i get back from malacca, everyone would have watch it and i've no one to watch with. prob no one would wana like sit with me to watch thru a second time. sigh. so so disppointed. i cant believe im so disppointed till like my mood just changed somehow.

HI EVERYONE!!!!!! MISSED ME?? haha.. im just on high. i really enjoyed my holidays if that's what you need to know. honestly, i just came back, my hands are itching cause i haven touch any computers for a week! away with technology except for my mobile! haha not bad right? anyway, im like sufferring from jet lag and cramps now. argh in pain. i'll update soon about all my experiences. had a few thoughts running thru my heads now about the spirit of christmas, the trials of australians who are in overseas; being caught and now subjected to that country's capital punishments, my RACE (being chinese - i dont believe im actually saying this) and my walk with God in melbourne. an incredible tale- to me. its just the beginning. these are simple topics which were raise over the melbourne radio, which got me thinking abit.

for now, i am in pain. darn.

last night i had so much fun at milton's house. i guess after serving, i was really famished! haha.. i saw food was so like whoa.. everything also tasted good. haha - but im not glutton! but had tons of stuff.. milt's mum was so nice to make us some cocktail drinks! she's really good at mixing! met su's friends, kim and i cant get her name but shld be 'ma-nei'? she's a south african gal. really funny pple. haha.. i met kim before on tues when i met the gals at gelare for waffles. so then we all had a game of mahjong! haha like all the tai-tais' in the making man. haha... del was really good and so is yan- she's the pro also. haha. noel had to help me! haha..

service yest was fantastic! though i was bit sotong, screwed up like forgot to start.. got nervous when i saw quite a number of people! btu it was a baptism service, so it was a fabulous to see our bros and sistas in christ getting baptize. woohoo! haiks and del sang the most beautiful song i ver heard la. the lyrics was like so touching. when im back, i'll definitely like post it up.

for now, i need to go. to aussie! but a bad timing cause of the recent lawsuit. argh. darn. but anyway, pray for me! anything, just tag or if u;re too bored, pls get me a pressie! christmas and birthday is coming! im turnin 21! shucks but im legal! haha. nonsense.

i had a terrific time yesterday with someone though nothing much, yet it was great. i got my favourite boy band- take that: the ultimate collection! and i got myself a diary- precious moments to write in australia about personal stuff. caught a fabulous movie- pride and prejudice! so nice la! really romantic. awww.

i really wished that (special) moment didnt end. i was feeling down. but there it was. a shine from heaven. for so many months, there was so little stars, either it rained,some clouds covered it or there was none. today, after that moment which meant to much to me, hearing a simple sentence from you. i didnt know really what to feel. i walked back, wanted to pray and look at the sky. but to my shock, in the midst of my tears, many many stars shone. not just one, but all shone. so many stars appeared after what it seem like years since i gazed at the sky to look at stars. somewhat, there was just something about the stars and that moment, which mixed up my crying with laughter. i prayed and just gave thanks while my tears still rolled but tryin hard to get thru it cause i was laughing. i must have looked so silly. but it was that joy that i missed. for so long. i missed that.

..still, i've missed you. Thank God for such a day to exist in my life. Thanks for being you, to make that day. it felt like old days; only lack of chemistry. the rest, its sweet enough.

..all i do each night is pray, hoping that i will be a part of you again someday..

happy!

i got my results and i passed both transport economics and purchasing materials management! woohoo! PMM still my strongest so far. 2 down, 2 more to go. i hope i'll just get thru exams. i'll be happy even if its just credits.

-God is bigger than the air i breathe. God will save the day. My Glorious.

yesterday had prob crushed my uplifted spirits quite a fair bit. somehow it dampened my entired mood of meeting the gals from cell. i probably cant deny that i cannot crap like the usual (maybe cause i did feel a little awkward around them too). really tried to forget it. then i met up with ben for dinner. kinda forget temporary my sadness when i was fascinated with the lomo camera that kunikoniya was selling! the camara works in such a way that the film that gets develop comes out really odd, like too much exposure too light or like many shots can be taken at a time cause there are a few lenses instead of the usual single pinhole with the shuttle. the results is that it will be something like a neo-print stickers kind-of-thing?yea.. had the most most exciting dinner, cause i get to cook my own dinner at pepper lunch(pple, we must eat there more often!) haha.. guess what? its all beef too. woohoo! my favourite meat.

today met up with yado for coffee at hv. free treat! weee... suppose to go to some new cafe - is it called balcony? at heeren, but i still felt quite strained my my leg muscles. didnt really wanna walk around much so kinda back out to hv. he was really funny, when we both relieved both our days in track. haha, all those training times. it sure did brought back memories and a smile on my face when i could think about my friends and loved ones. talked abt conference and some other stuff like what we wanna work as and etc. we, then had to like hunt for a small bottle shampoo meant for travelling that kind!?? seriously, im beginning to think guys of this generations are like super fussy! but it was really great time laughin away off those stupid jokes and the silly we things do sometimes.. haha.. sorry guys if i just made a sweeping statement - just a joke yea?

came evening. received a call. first 2 papers (PMM and Transecons) results are out. i cannot get it somehow. awaiting for evelyn's call to get instruction on where to retrieve the grades. sigh. she did pretty well, or at least to me. sometimes i wish im born smarter, can think better. i just hope i can pass. please pray for me. feeling so demoralised. just seeking God.

to my Godbro, benjamin - wishing ya a terrific 15th birthday. May God bless you richly in whatever you do. study hard! hugs. will try get ya something when we get to aussie.. haha.

i need to set my record right! im overjoyed till like when i saw the timing of yesterday's run, i was just beaming away! radiant with happiness somehow as if like i struck gold medal in olyumpics. when i came in, i just glanced at my timing. u can see in my previous entry. but today, mum told me about the webbie, she helped me check my timing. apparently, seriously, it has to be God's grace and mercy, i actually completed the race in 1:17 hr. im was like shock. happy. damn super happy. i told dad with that small girl tone in the voice. the whole of yest i was in the limelight in my family, about how like i just ran last min, but surprisingly i didnt fall out of the race. i had their respect. muhaha! but though it was disppointing that the name i had to check and for record its not my name cause i stood in for mum's colleague. anyway, its still a personal check for me. thank you, Friend. next year, i will beat that timing somehow. im gonna embrace this new challenge with love. whaha. nonsense. :)

paying a damn heavy price for goin to the registration booth late ( had to stand in, so like prepare for the race, registering my name, putting on the RFID tag on my shoe so my timin can be in check..etc), not trainin or at least any consistant exercise for the past 4 yrs. today, got up with my legs totally numbed, aching like crazy. felt the latic acid like just there. goodness. if i walked, i walked like some penguin. if i sat, i would be whining. my butt and lower back muscles ache like nobody's business man. so the whole day i was either on the sofa or in bed. sad life. hope tmr i will be better!!

probably will run again on fri. just before band prac. -motivated-

im so, so happy!! done with exams- finally. went out with parents to queensway after that to get caleb's present and all, my gals-eve and lorraine had their boyfriends day! aiyo. so anyway, i was just rattling on the darn format for the paper cause i like studied damn hard for open ended questions, instead came out 60 mcq question worth half mark each. sheesh. but section b, im rather screwed la. but whatever! im thru now its play time!

at 925pm... mum's handphone rang. she came walkin into my room while i was reading, quite absorbed in my book- 'chronicles of Narnia'...

mum: manda, my friend just back out, can you run tmr? standard-chartered race-10km route.
me: right? eh, im walking k?
mum: can! my friend is asking all her uncle and whoever la. seagate just wants the distance clocked.
me: ok la..anything.
mum: so then? what are you waiting for?? pack your stuff!

mum walks out still making arrangements with her friend cause her daughter was running! with last min notification. didnt really bother about the race till i realised i was running in a few hours time.

me: oh crap. its 10km? i stopped running for 4 years. now, i am running for seagate?! right. what the heck did i get myself into? and its like bloody tomorrow! oh darn. *slapped myself on forhead*

today, was the best run i had in my entire life. running the 10 km was like an simple illustration of my walk with God throughout my life. the going may seem pretty ok at first, but there are times when im so tired, my body just wanted to give way, i could have pulled out, but resorted to brisk walking. legs are so numbed, had old injuries recurring. my knees muscles( at the back of the leg), hamstring on both legs, my right foot really hurt like crazy. i didnt had time to warm up; prepared myself for the race. my abs were so strained but i still carried on. probably a few times i almost fainted- to face that darkness. yet, knowing the Lord is still beside me, carrying me thru, whispering into my ear with His gentle words, ' run amanda, run. for My sake, for the glory of God. they will see the strength in you, it comes from Me.'

hearing worship songs along the way was my way of having my mini- worship session. just simply concentrating on Him, kept on praying to God for strength, preservance, hope, faith, love to complete my race. my mind was focused solely on my race. i knew today when i crossed that finishing line, i didnt to imagine what was God like. He carried me, allowing me to finish my race in all His glory even though im injured. fact: i didnt need to come back as a champion, i am a champion to Him.

to God be the glory. the joy of the Lord is my strength (tt's the only thing i kept praying). You're here with me

yet, i have to admit today's race really brought people from all walks of life together. it was really encouraging to have pple that you dun even know, cheering you and shouting words of motivation! the spirit of sports, esp running, bringing us, both sportsmen and non sportsmen as one. i think i regained my passion for running again. i told my parents, i am gonna train for next year's race. i am goin to aim for at most 1hr. its really great to run along side with mum(at the beginning till i died out!) mum's stamina is really good! she ran 1:09 hr. proud of her! she trained really hard. i had no trainin so obviously my timing sucked. 1:45 hr. she was proud of me too! she expected to give up. nah! never! hahaha... :)

in short, i am so proud of myself today! i think God is too. smiles! enjoy my pics. btw, i got free adidas jersey! woohoo!!

me. back home, stinking like crazy! muhaha, with my medal for efforts. hee, can add to my collections!

felt like posting up random pics taken with my phone over the past 2 weeks. haha, break from studyin. so boring. and im not panickin.. this is bad.. but i so cant wait for my paper to be over! so i can organise my life and thoughts, then head on down to aussie! can drive..whaha. must pray for JOURNEY mercy man. fancy driving halfway and you see a kangeroo hopped past and you have to slam the brakes cause its a major offence to hit the animals. sigh. talk about animal conservation.

wayne, my bro. getting alien abduction?! kinda cool huh the way the light shines thru..

brudder and me! both bearing "chen" surname. wee... maybe we were siblings before!whaha.. think im talkin nonsense. crazy from studyin..

i like this pic i took of the seat-belt passenger sign. nice? i shld edit alittle.