i am superly angry with alberton mgt institute. in all my years, this is seriously the worst school with the worst admin team ever that i have encountered.

i really just cannot understand how things can go so out of hand. really dont. what else can happen?

my plea? God, help and save me.

i jammed on my guit. aww. i loved it. never stopped loving my baby, my yamaha apx7 (i think).

my day was just bad and boring. housework. dealing my dad's mood swings. but things started to pick up and we had a great family time.we decided to pop over to suntec and eat at Marche. haha we ate like $60 over worth of food. our table were just covered by the coloured plates. we kinda met this manager of mache or something..and at the end of our meal, we had a 20% discount of our bill. haha how good is that.

i have to prepare a testimonial for tmr night's dinner for the worship team. may God grant me words that are from Hid mouth. pray for me to able to give faith and inspiration to the worship team.

all day i miss him but i did not know what to say. all it took was two words from him to cure my day.

i sense that bitter-irony air surrounding me. everything seems fake at this moment.

who or what is the bluff here?

Angel
Sarah McLachlan
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

maybe looking for jobs are quite odd. funny how u can only rely on God to provide the jobs that you want. from the type of superior you hope you will get, your peers, your workscope, working hours and of course, if i need a christian friend to talk to, keep you in-check and etc.

imelda said she found what she was looking for. everything she needed from work, such as these critierias. all she did was to commit these things into prayer. sigh. maybe its not the right time for me yet.

i am gettin so demoralised with each day, waiting for the results of my appeal. all i can do is just pray that i hope to graduate in sept. it is all in God's hands. i believe He will deliver me from that terrible school in singapore yet also, take care of me of whatever that happens.

a night of miracles
the day started with tons of hiccups when we realised the day before we practiced so hard, tryin to sound right as a team and suddenly, the worship leader had cracked his voice due to overstraint and thus, we had a change of worship leader. we didnt know who he was and whether or not he could sing. there i was, feeling really frustrated cause i was doing the changing of keys, don on a new set. jus when i did finished, my friend, fern, called to say we have a new set of worship songs plus, it includes chinese songs. i really didnt know if i wanted to cry or just laugh my heart out. i felt overwhelm at that very moment and didnt know what else it would be up next. i just knew in my head, oh God! you're full of surprises, huh? what are you trying to do?

so the day settled down with fern making the arrangments and finally, at 545, i reached church and saw the new worship leader. i was doubtful of the outcome. wing keen from wesley(he was once from fmc too!),he was really friendly, really spurred the whole team, getting and leading the team in the right direction, cause i think he must have his doubts too but the first thing he did was to lead us in prayer. to really come before God and pray, cleansed, dedicating each and every instrument to Him and know that worship isnt about the great music, but the its soaking yourself in the presence of God with praises of songs. just adoring God, worshipping Him, loving Jesus, a yearning to be like the Lord Almighty.

first miracle:
fern has lost her pouch. she was so upset we all could see and we couldnt really help to serach as the worship was about to start. so apart from the music technicalities, it was really bad- the music doesnt seem to be flowing together as a band and now fern, our pianist, lost her pouch with all her personal belongings. but wing keen kept the spirits up by encouraging us it could be found if we believe. oh, we faithless children of God! within minutes into the worship, wing keen asked fern if she wanted to claim a miracle, she seem buffled but said 'yes' anyway! there, he told her it was found by someone and it was given to her by a lady. goodness!

second miracle:
i was terribly hungry. so yan offered to give my chocolate to much. as i was not allowed to eat in the worship hall, i had to squat behind the drums and munch away. then this lady came up and offered me some bread. awwwwwwwww. my heart just melted. God was so good to provide. she was really nice and i felt bad i had to turn her down cause we didnt had time to eat as worship was starting. but i will always remember her kindness.

third miracle:
the type of song we played was bit the old fashioned type for one. yet, the outcome of worship just blew everyone in the team away. not only we played for God, even for samuel, who came late and didnt even practice for the new set of songs, lost his way a few times, God had been so gracious to just continue blessing the team with great sounds, the hiccups we made was not exactly that obvious. heh. we had an addtional flute player, oh my Lord! the music was sooooooo nice! we somehow played well. exceptionally well, i felt there was certain allowances for each instrument to sound. deep down, we knew it was God's hands playing thru us. at the end of the worship, the sound guy came up to us and said, "hey! u know, just now you guys sound great. from the back, it was solid good!" ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldnt scream but it was such a fantastic feeling. reality really sank that God was IN THE HOUSE! i was still unsure and after what the sound guy said, it had to be only and only God. i felt so ashamed for doubting God; yet He never fails to prove us wrong and time again and again, he continues showing us His power and grace. isnt it amazing?

fourth miracle:
the congregation was great. there was amix of both chinese and english and everyone was led my God. have you ever seen a person waltzing in the worship hall? it was definitely my first. but this lady just waltz as if her partner was God. so graceful. it was really beautiful. it was simply joyous and encouraging when u know you're serving God, helping others jus worshipping Him and the magnitude of voices praising God. when u play and see them, the love of God is unbelievable.

To God be the glory. i love serving in the worship ministry. i believed in last night. i will sing!

But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible."

this week was quite a draining one. only last night i had some relaxation and fun. i always ask God, why does things always have to be this way? why not like all the bad things to happen in a day and only a day, which i could i just sleep it off and next morning will be a better day. why does always trials just come all at one shot, without allowing me to breathe and sink into a certain depth of realisation before something else happens(not mention it last for days or months and years)?

right on the day on receving exams transcripts, i was crying the night before about my results cause i was so upset. i had flunked one module. i felt like a total letdown cause i know how expensive it is to study this course and the thought that i am always an grade-c kinda person. never better. though i knew God will provide a way for me, no matter how tough the road is. but i just could not grasp hold of that reality in that moment. now if my appeal doesnt go thru, i've to stay back for jus one semester-just one module. i cant grad in melbourne(which is in december. if i dont, means i've to wait till next year sept) so i really wanted to much to grad this coming september. the next day, i thought i would feel better if i just worked in the office. but no, in the evening when i called mum to inform her that i am goin to have dinner with wayne, she tells me granddad got admitted to hospital. i cancelled my appt straight away and prepared to go ttsh. when i heard e news, i couldnt really handle all these stuff, then i just told lorraine about it and started tearing. i was jus controlling how i felt about the results and here i was breakin down cause i heard about grandpa. save me.

next couple days, i went to the hospital after work. quite tiring and draining. on thurs, i went to grandma's place, to help around, accompanied her to hospital and stayed over. for some reason, it felt like old times, sharing the room with her, hearing rattle away about her feelings and the day happenings before i sleep. it brought back old memories which i kept it lock up somewhere inside me in fear of being too emotionally attached. but tt night i just let myself sink into that lovely feeling once again, praying to God that i can handle whatever may come next. grandpa is not doing well from the way i am seeing it. so many times, i hated what i feel, but i wish grandpa would go if he is saved by God. but yet, i want that physical presence beside me, even if it means he cant "recongise" me any much longer.

it was comforting to hear dad had actually talked to miah about how much i am doing for this family last night. though non-monetary, it was words of affirmationto me. that conversation had apparently was quite some time back. i was amazed. but yes, it cheered me up both ways- to know they are talking and what's more, a deeper kind of topic and to know i am doing things right. i just wanted to know.

tired.

happy 40th birthday, faith methodist church!

today was just simply fantastic. awesome. hype. practice was tedious and confusing. it seem disorganised and like some school trying hard to put up a cannot-make-it kind of production on stage.

but i had underestimated God's power. i have completely forgotten that God was in control if we had already dedicated our church to him. all that techinical clitches and con-current timing of items in both worship halls. really, during the full-dress rehearsal sure did give the impression it was not goin to work out. the only comforting part was we could be part of brian's "fanclub" and the kids! they were such great performers really. i love the batman and spidy-man. they sure danced to a hillsong kid song.

it was the moment. first the storm performance by the boys and girls brigade and the faithacts kids; the 4Gs- the TTB, YA, kids and the elderly ladies. next was worship, in which, prior to that, the energy - level was super "high"! i really enjoyed singing praises to God, being back-up singer. at first, during the rehearsal, i was like losing my voice and all. but the real worship, my voice was jus great. talk abt God's grace and empowerment. sermon by rev. wee boon hup was also simple and easy to understand and digest.

"When we seek God, faith becomes a product. We could actually pray the answers (scriptures) before asking God to give us the solutions to our problems."

overall, Jesus is forever and ever, our Superhero. To God be the glory.

an eventful tuesday night
last night i went out dinner with miah for a while at marina. and guess what! i saw AARON KWOK!

yes, he was just like on the other side of the escalator (probably one and half arms' length away from me!)while i was goin down and he was goin up. it all started when i caught a flash from the camera jus sparkled. i was wondering why would anyone wanna take a "comtempory" picture of an escalator? haha. so in any case, there was this group of guys in black coat ( i thought was the japanese tourist actually) when i realised this other guy in white. ahhh, here the action begins. i was just peering through the whole group and trying to place this guy, who was good-looking, tan, nicely built and i duno what else you can ask for when you want to check a guy out. and the most important??? he was looking at me! haha!!!! awww. too bad i couldnt like swallow the fact in time he was a superstar. i was like just gawking away. the whole while keep asking miah the possiblities if we bumped into him again and i duno - a dinner date with him?! haha.

there goes a golden opportunity. i shld have registered faster in my brain who he was and prob like shot a smile or something. i think i may have the calibre! haha. im sorry for this stupid entry though.
wednesday,the ungodly morning: italy, the world-cup champions
after watching italy played for the first time in this world cup(i cant help it since i always miss their matches cause their games all pretty much one-sided), i've to admit they have won my admiration in their patience, skills, determination and strategy. having to play such a game to such extremes and risks, it was definitely a world-class football match. i think it is proven they may have a high chance in winning the cup this year. then again, the ball is around; anything can happen.

3 words to describe the match: spectacular, spectacular and spectacular.

i wanna own an italian soccer jersey now.

it was fun watching with delphia, marcus and brian. though there were 5 other malay boys who came later and fell asleep within 10mins into the match and left halfway, i had a great and hilarious company. not to mention slippers flying straight into the walls(where the screen is projected), there was the "ohhh", "ahh", "noooooooooo", "aiyah" and the arms flinging up in frustration. the whole typical singaporean experience of watching a great soccer match. we didn't need to be in pub to experience such a drama. haha, having 'one of' marcus is enough.

not to mention a secret, grueling training in mahjong i had with them. i was stoning by the time we finished playing. it was worst than maths lesson. but i won twice out of the many rounds(pardon me,i am a beginner). the final victory was mine. the fighting spirit of the italians? maybe.

suddenly the past came floating back. again, i found myself questioning my integrity of my actions or decision. is this what Jesus would do? i have no idea. i do not wish to give in to that person or know him again. 2 years ago, i rejected being friends.yet again, he is askin to be friends or even the bare minimal, keep in contact. i hate this situation. but i guess it will always occur unless i make it clear to him. oh why. of all days. when i am feeling emo. it just had to add on.
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how do you find the right words without offending someone or not making it sound like a direct 'shooting'? how do you say things without making that person feel guilty but feel that it something they can reflect on? i pondered on this for a couple of hours last night. just sitting down alone at my place downstairs, staring at the roads and cars zooming past, feeling the cool winds against my warm and stressed-out face. i still had no answer.
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my application didnt go through to the german company. argh. its ok (really to comfort myself), i'd use another method: manual posting. Thank God for postmen. my deepest gradtitudes.

i woke up this morning, all heart out to my beloved beach (which im goin with my pechies! how awesome!) and its such a wonderful weather. but i had to deal with the above sitautions.

Oh God. help me.