im anxious abt my work. everyone suddenly is looking for me. issues screaming for my attention. stress. Current worry: director looking for me and i have no answer for her. brazil business team looking for me, i have no idea how to reply. tmr got meeting with boss and i have no clue to how to talk to him. argh. i feel as though sometimes i lack the basics fundementals, i lack of gd mentor being able to guide me and im lacking of product knowledge(which terribly sucks). but ytd and today's Daily Bread, just had something for me.

27 Febuary - Tuesday: Keep Praying
"Everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Luke 11:10

Here they mentioned God is in control and His commands to pray still stands. i like this phrase, 'Faith is not demanding what we want; it is trusting God's goodness in spite of life's tragedies.' yet, at this phrase, i find the hardest is to know God may deny our requests but will not disppoint our trust.

28 Febuary - Wednesday: Cast your cares
"Casting all your care upon Him, For He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I am still struggling to come before God and be still. i know im the type of person whenever i have a certain worry, its just constantly there until . i know it doesnt mean that those are "still" before Him = no life's dangers and dilemmas. But what i admire is that they able to faced these problems with tranquility and their confusion, apprehension and despair will somehow fade away. They are able to keep poise under pressure and radiant peace wherever they go. Lord, help me to learn how to turn my confidence towards You and cast my cares on You. I want to be calm in in the midst of life's demands (david roper). help me understand that depth of grace and love You can give.

i should be resting and not working man. what am i doing.

frustrated.

everyone keeps telling me abt this and that abt shingles. when i see a doc (though i really hate visiting them), someone has to bomb me abt the treatment and etc! then when i see another, someone would have another comment. as if my work wasnt frustrated enough and i wanted this shingles, sheesh! give me a break.

my work really, is it really so hard to pray for a good superior?! is it so hard for You to provide me a team which has at least one christian? God, sometimes i wonder if you are ever there.

im really tired from the sleepless nights of pain.

what a CNY

darn. i was just having a great rest when my body decided to recall some old virus, plainly named, 'Chicken Pox'.

Im currently resting from Shingles now. it hurts like crazy. cant really sleep and all. argh, this really sucks. i wanted to change my phone, go bai-nian to a few pple but instead, im sitting at home nursing this stupid sickness.

it actually derives from chicken pox, where these are the cells that are "quiet" and they are on the nerves. so when i happened to be super stress or really sick, because of the change of body temperture, it will pop out (chinese will call it, 'heaty).

this shows, when i was studying, im still not as stress as when i am working. what an irony. now everyone knows the truth abt my studies. haha!!!

miah's videos:
how miah got "trashed"
post-private birthday sabo

post CNY.

i have absolutely nothing to do in the office. kinda regretted not taking off. its so irritating! ytd, miah and i ate at sakae sushi, J8 (bishan). guess what? after eating, both of us came out with a flu la! argh. just when i thought flu is bad, my rashes or insect bites are not going away. now it itches till it hurts.

oh help me la! im so tempted to declare one day leave tmr. rather sleep in my bed .

which phone should i get?? N80?? hmm.

a thanksgiving to start the lunar new year.

it was a quiet new year in malacca. both tania and denise didnt come back from australia and england respectively. but instead, while i was focusing too much on the not-so-fun time, God opened the doors of revival in my family. as a sat down quietly to hear Him speak thru others, i know for sure, He's real. He's calling back the lost ones that once believed in Him. He answered a prayer made a few years ago. evertime i went to malacca, i will question, when it will ever happen. the time is now.

- my cousin. i never thought she would actually share partial experience with me. i mean, it never occured to me that my family might wana open to me on such topics. she actually kinda backslided for a while. i didnt exactly know why. but i was glad. for a friend of hers to minister to her. revealing God's words to her, speakin to her in the most personal way ever. she knew it had to come from God cause she said she nvr told anyone. not even her husand. not anyone except God who sees everything. now, her resolution to pick up her walk with God. tt's one. amen.

- my niece. she's one hell out of a child to handle. yet, i was alittle upset when i found out she wasnt a christian and my cousin married her. (eh, this is another cousin, btw) he, altogether backslided cause his wife is a strong buddhist due to her parents' heritage. i was worried about the spirituality walk and my fears came thru. but tt day, my dad just told me my cousin has recetnly started sending her to sunday sch within the village! oh my! how my heart squealed in delight! how i rejoiced knowing God has paved a way for such blessings! how i stood in awe for i cant wait for God's hands to work thru my entire family.

- grandma's (malacca) sister. who came back to the house and ask how to pray. when she accepted God, she was called home. RIP, aunty. i always admired grandma for being the prayer warrior of the family. she would pray for everyone, every single day. i was exceptionally touched when she pray thanksgiving for me during the opening of the reunion dinner. she was really happy when she heard i was attached. now she wants to see what God has given me. haha. hopefully, i can bring miah back - to make her happy and not worry for me.

i'll blog another time. kinda tired. some pics for entertainment.

miah's 22nd birthday
graduation I
graduation II
melbourne III

slacking in the office. listening to Jared Anderson: I am free.

so glad that all these reports are over! and i get to enjoy my CNY!!!! yay!!! im just simply chatting on IM (instant msging) in the office with my friends.

so glad to have them, to always cheer me on. for mum and miah to help so tremendously, enduring with my crazy attitude. all those late nights. so glad to have God, who ultimately let everything come to a pass. without Him, i will be nothing.

as for now, until CNY is over, i will go all out to play!!!!

for now, im feeling like jamming. just wanna return my worship and praise unto Him.

To God be the glory.

yes i am drowning now. i can feel my body collapsing quite literally. in some ways, i want this whole report to end. i see the light at the end of the tunnel - cause of dateline. on the other, i wish i could make some sense out of what i am doing.

but in the meantime, my libility cannot be more than last quarter quoted by last person.

save me. i feel i am fallin sick.

im taking a break while miah is saving me from my work. just kinda drown in my own liability report. i just cant really do for some reason. maybe laziness as i hate doing such report. i have no patience which is bad. and i realised that my dearest miah has such patience. oh my goodness. yeah. i guess there are many factors that hinders me from doing such reports. my patience for such reports, i go into the panick mode really easily and i get really demoralised darn fast. not to mention, im feeling drained and dried. just seem to be struggling with not only reports but also organisation skills and etc. so many things to juggle.

maybe bernard is right. i gota toughen up alittle. even if i cant understand something, just keep on asking even if it means getting more scoldings or making people irritated. sigh. but the obstruction is that my own teammates ain't exactly very helpful as compared to the other teams. only when they are free, they are willing to entertain. other than that, im left to "swim". as what benjamin said, 'you gota learn to let go and relax. give it to God.' and i guess, at the end of today's struggles, my friends noticed in me that i was able to smile after a day of being too quiet. (im rather noisy in office. always suaning my colleague, simin. haha. my source of entertain and cheering-antidote from work)

its a while more to miah's birthday. i feel bad for him.

thank you, dear. i love you lots and have yourself a great 22nd birthday!!!

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near

And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why You're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

And I know I don't have much to give
But I promise You I will give You all there is
Can I possibly do less
When through Your own death I live?

No greater love is found
Than of those who lay their own lives down
As sure as I live and breathe
Now I know what it means to be free

Mercy Me - I would die for You

i really hate doing mundane reports. i dun mind the daily reports that i have to review with my bosses. i dun mind the fact that i have to line-up cause my boss has so many planners under him now. but i really mind doing the liability report which is due in a wk's time and i have not started cause i am totally unfamiliar with it. yet, for some reason, i feel so unjustified cause so many of my friends have prob like 3 products to do while i have 7. not to mention, they were in the company much more longer than i have (a few mths makes alot of diff). somewhere inside of me, i feel its so unjustified with the workload.

really stressed out as i also feel as though the walls around me are moving. inching closer and closer and just really coming on to me. feel like i am just in the centre of these walls and running towards very corner to cry out for help and get a grasp of air. feel so suffocated. maybe i am not used to this. really not sure.i cant help feeling inferior. neither can i help feeling the struggling of balancing time, work, lifestyle, family, relationship and God. i cant help feeling i am struggling with my work and yet before i can even get hold of a concept, i am piled with something else.

i am just drowning. and not to add, i changed bosses last weekend. my boss is exactly how i am when i first came in. doesnt know anything. to a certain degree, i wish i didnt need to go thru this transition now.

i wanna go back school.