and so i "shifted" away from this whole feng shui thingy.

but today was an absolute frustrating day. Cant even begin to explain.

all i know it was irritating and hurting.

Introducing: Simin the sotong or doraemon or turtle..(whatever is in the name list.), Joey, my (literal) 'next-door neighbour' and me!

Happy birthday to all the 28th May babies that i know!!! esp JO!!! :p

somehow parents just simply to have babies on this day. simply too many.

it was weird bumping into you. we didnt need to talk at all, yet, there was a just a thousand thoughts transcending that empty, dark space. all it took was a glance. to notice that glimpse of you turning your head away when you saw me and i saw your face for a spilt second. unmistakably, i saw you. all of days. all of times. all these years. in the midst of that space, i knew, you understood the fact i have nothing to say to you since that time. if i think i knew you well enough, for you to have probably come up and check to see who i was with and if see if i still had anything for you. fortuntely, there is nothing sweet left of you within me.

i had so much to yell at you. so much to hate you for. so much to tell you how happy i am now without you. but all that anger faded when i tried to erase you from my sea of sadden memories all these times because of God. i thought i had you forgotten. then of all times, when im celebrating my anniversary. Snap. You, appeared just like tt. in the middle of nowhere. without warning. without any indications. it was just like some bad magic show.

i thought i got pass that stage. only to realised the difference in seeing face to face. it was so hard. thr hurt still residued somewhere. but did you know? you never did. never will. you only told me you understood what i end through at that point of time. trust me, i dont wana break your little "fragile" heart, i can guarantee you know nothing when it came to christian guilt and regrets. that long-lasting pain through in this life because of a wrong choice made. then and now. but a promise i make, is i will make awfully sure, the next time i see you, you dont even stand a chance to make me flinch one bit.

wednesdays should just be my blogging day. i do not really have must to blog about these days. i mean, life is just mono. i wake up, dress and get my butt to work. after work, im tired and i just feel like going home to rest. watch tv or read book. but at least, i am glad that i still have cell meetings, band practices, church services.. family dinners, a few friends to meet up with. did i mention, my camera blanked out on me last week?! had to send in for repairs. luckily, its FOC. muhahaha.

Well, monday i had to go thru this quarterly personal meeting(nerve-wrecking ordeal) with my boss whereby he will access my performance, we share (of course not everything, we cant simply tell bosses every single grievances we have!) if there is anything/person that is obstructing our work. I didnt exactly have very good review neither bad ones. it is just simply if i wanted to be converted to a perm, i have a long way more. there's a certain incident when i was on medication, my boss give me a scenerio question and i couldnt give a right answer la. it came to a pt when he had to jus resort using 'apples and oranges' illustration. how embarrassing. totally. sigh. sometimes, what mum said it true. you can do 1 wrong thing, everyone will just remember it for life. when you do 10 right things, nobodys acknowledges it. irony of life. yea, my colleagues comforted me saying i improved alot over time. so i guess, my boss sees another way. i just have to work really hard and take note of those pointers he "criticised" me for.

i haven't started planning in details for the trip to bangkok with jo, guillaume and miah. really need to start soon. i owe my cousin my measurements for the bride's maid dress. i need to pack my cupboard. i need to clean my room. i need to find a frame for my certificate. sigh! i am so looking forward to this fri, cause i am on half day leave! yay.

i have been thinking about some things recently. need to get down to talkin to someone and praying abt it too. not sure. i really need to know if i am doing this just for "fame" or really, God is calling me into it. it has been on my mind for awhile. but recently, it became 'heavier' on my mind. we'll see how it goes! pray for me ladies and gents!

*but i wonder who comes to read my blog. seems quiet nowadays. pple! pls tag! least i know u dropped by! it will be nice to know.. :)

i dont whether to classify as a blessing or not. but my report is being delayed.. i hope it doesnt eats into my weekend time. i will be so irritated, really.

saturday is kinda awkward situation.. grand aunt(dad's side) wana 'approve' miah. haha. what a stressful time it might or will be.

my camera decided to randomly blanked out. like i can adjust settings and all, but i cant take any pictures. but thankfully, i called Canon and they said its probably their IC chipset got a prob. so yay!! its FOC! hope to find time send in to them soon. i missing taking pictues. whahaha.

caleb and zachery!

To all fantastic mothers out there,
Happy Mothers' Day. Thank God for my mummy! =)

its often when you look at the smallest things, you start to appreciate all these things, you feel that sense of fulfilment somehow. today i really worked hard trying to figure out my report. it felt extremely good when my report was approved by my boss. well, i must say, it was not at all that hard. probably just not used to doing such calculation with precision and accuracy (knowing what kind of impact it can bring abt if it is not right). by the time it is nightfall, i tend to review the day's happenings. there are times where i feel i am not good enough and it is hard at the end of the day, to accept that particular feeling. that i would some distractions to let these memories slip away from my veins so i do not get bothered by it. ironic is it, not? cannot blame me. i want a good night's rest :)

when i was much younger, i wanted so badly to grow up. to go into the working world, get away the more-often-than-not chiding sessions from my parents, the awful remarks from teachers you get in your workbooks when you did a piece of work not up to expectations. i just simply hated then-"rigid" timing of a student lifestyle of just plain studying away. now that i am totally free from exams, i feel the exact opposite. i learnt how much a student's freedom in their lifetime cost. at the expense of working, though at times its easier to make certain decisions because of the 'fixed timing' at work, i prefer to go thru an student adventure. anytime. anywhere.

i read in the Daily Bread this morning, a story about 3 kids in the car. the author wrote about his mum pulling the car over at the road side and grabbing up a road map to study. he then asked his mum if she was lost, she replied, "Nope. We are going to have an adventure." it is so true that we walk thru life, wanting to know what is going to happen and if it is something bad, we try all ways and means to stop whatever might happen. whatever it takes, no matter far it goes, even if it meant praying or believing in other gods. being a christian, i am not at all that perfect. i do find myself just falling short in this area. recently, my whole team shifted to another building and how we seated, is based on 'Feng shui'. at first, i did not quite take too much notice abt it. i just went abt settling my issues. but as the weeks past, the issues that came abt were horrendious. then next thing i knew, i was struggling with this whole other "power" just stringing to my faith. i started to speculate the "feng shui" thingy. i wanted to trust Him whole heartedly, yet there is always one part of my brain just swaying to that power. i prayed the whole day today. for Him to prove me wrong. to know "i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me." - philippians 3:14

truly, God never fails. He is ever faithful even though thru times i was and am unfaithful.

2nd post for the day...in the midst of waiting for TJ to send out their reports... my goodness. so many issues.

All for Love - Hillsong United
All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me
Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever

Everything I need is You
Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

-sentenced as guilty-

lucky Tianjin. they had the golden holidays. i wonder why is it called, 'golden'? anyway, i wish Singapore also had 3 labour days off. talk abt stingy or the govt being a scrooge? haha. jk.

well, because of them, i have no reports from them to update. seriously, its training my patience. i need to rush off today to watch Aviva open at the Kallang Indoor Stadium. fun!

this week was quite a wake up call. for some reason, im forced to think abt my future. whether to cont working here or moving on elsewhere. realised im quite stuck at that question to whether i want to stay here. but in any case, i need to work very hard. in order to get converted to perm(or at least, not get fired) staff.

often i look back at my 22 years in life, things are always changing. how many things have i taken for granted? how many things i did not cherished? what have i accomplished? yes, compared to many in the world, i am darn, very priviledged. yet, there are so many things i want to do. oh well. random thoughts at work are not very valid here when i should be focusing on my work...

i cant till 5. then is rush hour to Kallang.. to save my poor Mummy!! she took half day to watch badminton and have to book seats for us as its free seating. aw :)